Scientology Diconnection iniside the Church and in the Free Field is yet anothe evil.
Adam Holland, a former Canadian Sea Org member who went public about the Sea Org’s degrading conditions after leaving the organization in 2009, took his own life in Toronto Subway on February 17. He was only 30 years old.
Adam was born on August 8, 1988, into a Scientology family. His mother’s brother, Peter Byrne, is still today Executive Director at the Vancouver, B.C., Scientology org. His mother, Denise Byrne, met Paul Holland at the Toronto church.
His mother Denise was our friend. We met Adam only once during her funeral in Toronto. It was a very sad even full of meaning. The room was full with members of the community who had very kind words to say. We wished Adam was to reach out to us for help. IHis dad had discinnected him , his mom was gone.
For various reasons, Adam himself wasn’t very involved in Scientology until he was about 18 years old, but then he soon joined the Sea Organization, signing its billion-year contract in 2007. He spent some time getting trained in Los Angeles, but spent most of his time in Toronto where, in 2008, the Anonymous protests against Scientology happened, and Adam saw Scientology’s executives panicking. Security was increased, and the already stifling life of total dedication in the Sea Org became even more claustrophobic. By Christmas 2008, when he was denied permission to visit his family but he went for a week anyway, he was having serious doubts about Scientology.
He left the Sea Org in 2009, but then laid low until he really got himself into more trouble: He helped a former church member get a message to her twin sister at the Toronto org. The church also discovered that Adam had been posting criticism of Scientology online.
He was declared a “suppressive person” in March 2010, which meant that Scientologists who wanted to stay in the good graces of the church would have to cut off all ties with him.
“You’re going to have to leave,” his father told him. (By then his mother had left Scientology, and she didn’t disconnect from her son.)
“What can they take now?” he told MacLean’s magazine in 2012. “They’ve taken my dad, my home, my identity, my religious beliefs—everything.”
In 2013, he lost his mother, Denise Byrne .
“It’s been five years since she passed away but only this year was my mind ready to process the grief,” he wrote “So I wrote about how she was there for me after the SP declare took Dad from me. This short piece about her represents the first time I have been emotionally ready to honor her role in my life after Scientology – and even still it is hard for me to read over it without crying.”
November 1, 2016:
“Dad, you’re gone, you’re really really gone. And I miss you, so so much! I just awoke from a very upsetting dream in which I was trying so hard to reach you. Calling out into abstract darkness, I shouted “dad, dad!” but you did not answer.
It has been 6 years since my father disconnected from me. Day-to-day I am able to carry on, but in dreams like the above, it all comes back to me, even with the passing of time. I am diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder that stems from the process of leaving the Scientology corporation and the enforced disconnection of my father. He might never talk to me for the rest of his life. I could have kept my mouth shut and stayed with him, but I know that would not have been the right thing to do.
I still remember the day my declare was official. It was the weekend, and my father was at the Toronto Foundation organization studying. Two HCO staff came to the house and showed me the declare, asking me to read it while holding tightly onto it to make sure I didn’t take it from them. (I think their tight grip on the paper was actually more revealing of their awareness of wrongdoing than it would have been if I had obtained it and shown it to the press). Then later that evening, my father arrived home in a really sad state. I remember how he told me that I would have to leave, he was almost crying.
I was really close to my dad. I lived with him from birth until being recruited into the Sea Organization for two years, and for a year following that – until the disconnection. I felt more than just a father-son connection. There was a sense of alliance where I wanted to help him as much as he helped me. When we were tight on money, I refused to ask him for new things or even a weekly allowance, so that he would have the best chances of paying off debt. I never imagined life without him. It happens often that I wake up from a dream about my younger years, only to realize that he isn’t there anymore.
My father really didn’t want to lose me. Even after he discovered that I was using the ex-Scientologist forums, he was still willing to be there for me, and to allow me to live under his roof. He never ratted me out to Scientology, and I was only declared after OSA found out through their own Internet monitoring activities. Despite his allegiance to Scientology, he didn’t report to them about me and that showed his true love for me. That’s what makes this disconnection such a tragedy.
I could have kept my mouth shut. I could have stopped visiting the forums and never ordered Nancy Many’s book or Marc Headley’s book, I could have pretended to be a good little Scientologist and I would have been able to maintain living with my father. He probably would have helped pay for a university education. There were a lot of ‘smart’ reasons to keep my disaffection from Scientology a secret. But, as I told the reporter for Macleans’ magazine in a coffee shop one day, I ask myself it it would have been right. The answer is always no.”
In a video he recorded just a few months ago, Adam talked about how much depression he’d been dealing with. He also talked about his father remaining in the church.
In a 2012 letter Adam wrote to Scientology leader David Miscavige and made public. It seems a fitting memorial to a young man who refused to stand by and watch abuse happening around him.
Mr. Miscavige,
My name is Adam Holland. 24 years ago I was born to Scientologist parents, raised a Scientologist, and joined the Sea Org in 2007. After two years I became aware of the use destructive mind control techniques on Sea Org members by various seniors, including Sigourney Bergeron and CMO Canada staff. This includes isolation from outside family members, interrogation and ‘scare tactics’ such as threats of disconnection from family.
Later in 2009, after I discovered on-line reports which made it clear that not only does this behavior occur in all CLOs over the world, but that this abusive treatment is most extreme at INT. My father, Paul Holland, mentioned that he would write to you to have this matter resolved. In a final meeting with Yvette Shank, CO OSACAN, she spoke to me about the reports. On the matter of your personal behavior, she told me that that you appeared “friendly and caring” after briefly meeting you some time ago. She refused to believe that the reports could be true. I don’t wish to discuss the credibility of the sources, as I am an eyewitness to the treatment of Sea Org members, including the intimidation tactics used by “Mr. Z,” your RTC representative in LA. Rather then address these concerns, anyone who has made such a report has been declared a suppressive person, including myself. The enforcement of disconnection tears families apart, and causes untold hardship for those affected.
I don’t know if my father ever wrote to you, but the declare certainly has not been ‘handled’ and I miss him very much. David, I have never written to you about this, quite honestly, because I am sure that you don’t care about me and my family, or anyone else. If you aren’t doing anything about the mind control and intimidation in the Sea Org, and if you aren’t doing anything about the torn families, then I must conclude that you approve of and support these destructive actions. You are not operating behind the scenes anymore, you are now under the watch of the general public. It is about time you took some responsibility in these matters. Taking responsibility may include turning yourself in to the Police. It will take a lot of courage, but it would be the most honorable thing you could do
Sincerely,
Adam Holland
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