Brushing off moments of success

You probably don’t have to think too far back to recall the last time you diminished yourself and your work, brushing off moments of success as simply “good luck”.

Have you ever had a day when it seems like the stars are perfectly aligned for you? When someone has reached out and hit the easy button on your behalf? I had one of those days this past Friday and it was brilliant, everything managed to fall into place and several people offered some much-needed support to make the day successful.

My initial reaction to the day falling into place was “what a stroke of luck, thank goodness things happened that way.” But when thinking about things again I realized that there really was no luck involved. Friends stepped up to help out because I had done the same for them many times before. I was offered a project for my business because I had established a track record and proven my worth. My initial reaction of “wow, what luck” diminished the work and my own capabilities that had led to a brilliant day.

How many of us do this on a regular basis? Diminish ourselves and our work and brush it off as luck? As it turns out, a whole bunch of us do.

The person who is brusshing off moments of success can be summarized as an individual who attributes the success in their life to external factors and internalizes the failures within their life, and they experience some degree of fear at being discovered as an intellectual fraud. They may tend to discount their success if it’s not a match to the ideal standard that they’ve envisioned for themselves. They may discount the success that comes with hard work and perceive it as not being due to their innate ability, or they may just attribute their success to luck.

Some have asserted that there is a correlation between the deminishing your acomplishments and success, as it drives a cycle of ambition. Anxiety over failure leads to hard work and preparation, leading to success, leading to positive feedback which is discounted, leading to the next task that will prove capability and debunk fraudulent feelings and so on. However, a cycle of ambition based on fraudulent feelings doesn’t feel like an ideal long-term approach to managing a career or life.

Here few helpful tips:

  1. Acknowledge Success: accept that you’ve had some part in your own success and that hard work counts just as much as innate skills.

  2. Reinforce and Reward: create a reminder for yourself of your positive accomplishments, such as a journal, tweet, text, or celebratory token – the point is recognizing it in yourself.

  3. Learn from Failure: the point of this post is about owning both your successes and failures, so ensure that in your process of acknowledging, you identify what can be learned from the failures along the way

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Selfish people come across our lives all the time. There is a difference between self-loving and being selfish. This type of person only thinks about themselves while bulldozing their way on others to get what they want. Selfishness is “1. Being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; 2. Having no regard for the needs or feelings of others. If someone is both totally self-involved and uncaring about anyone else, they are not likely to be very responsive to you in any way other than evaluating how you meet their needs.”

BEHAVIORS THAT CREATE SELFISH PEOPLE (AND HOW TO AVOID THEM):

1. MANIPULATION.

The person who will utilize behavior for their benefit without regard to you is a master manipulator. Selfishness is not a genetic physical disposition in our psyche. It is a learned behavior from childhood. Children are suppose to be selfish up to a point since they are learning from their environments. It’s important to distinguished from the behaviors of self love and self care. However, the manipulator feeds on another person’s self-esteem. Stand back and realize that you are not getting anywhere by arguing with this person. This type of selfishness has little or no regard to your needs. If you are feeling like you are being used then most likely you are.

2. UNCARING.

Selfish individuals are emotional tyrants. They are uncaring and have no sympathy for your needs. The more love and reward you show them the easier it is for them to feed from your kindness. They might appear charming and caring at first but their behavior goes astray the moment you don’t submit to their desires. The best way to deal with an uncaring and unselfish behavior is to put yourself first and let them know it. They don’t tolerate that. They are all about them. Explaining to them things like this is redundant since they can’t see past their own issues.

3. PLOTTING AND SCHEMING.

This specific trait or action arises from the fear of losing control. The moment you step into the picture you are disrupting their goal. The selfish person will continue doing things behind your back and plotting a different angle to suit themselves. The lack of control scares them. They have to manipulate everything. The best way to deal with this type of behavior is to show them who is really in charged through kindness. And when that doesn’t work it’s important to let them go. You cannot be responsible for how they feel since they cannot see your point of view.

4. SELF-CENTERED AND CONCEITED.

Narcissism and selfishness arrive from a lack of self-worth and an attention seeking behavior. In order to feel better this type of personality will brag and make everything about them seem relevant. Stay true to yourself. The moment they put you down remember not to take it personally. Anyone who goes around hurting another is truthfully a hurt individual. They must put themselves up by putting another down.

5. GIVING AND SHARING DO NOT COME EASILY.

Selfish people pretend they care. They might say the right things but their actions speak loudly. They only do things for others when they will receive great benefit from them. It’s not in their nature to go out and give. If they do it is because they want the attention back to them for giving. They will make sure they let the world know how wonderful they’ve been. The easiest way to readjust their behavior is to take away their focus. Do not praise the behavior. It’s best to just allow the act itself to go unnoticed.

6. EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS TO DO THINGS FOR THEM.

A selfish person has high expectations of what they need. They live based on what others think of them and what they can do for them. What can they get out of this? They expect the world to revolve around their needs and desires. They ask for lots of favors, so stop doing them. Don’t give into their demands. Limit the time you spend around this type of person because if they don’t have you available to their demands they will not need to be with you.

To some extent, we are all considered selfish when we give to ourselves first and foremost. But there is a line between narcissism and self-care. Being selfish is self-absorbing of others. This type of personality is arrogant and self-indulging. There are ways to deal with selfishness and remove those who bathe only in their glory. End all relationships that don’t support you because you deserve better.

Spoiling People

“Spoiling doesn’t prepare your children for anything but heartache later in life.” – 

A spoiled child normally grows to become a spoiled adult. This will affect them in maintaining a steady job, keeping friendships, having a spouse, and experiencing a healthy life. Spoiled people are selfish and self-centered. But, how do you know if they are spoiled? How can you help them see how destructive their behaviors are to others?

BEHAVIORS THAT CREATE SPOILED PEOPLE (AND HOW TO AVOID THEM):

1. GIVING INTO EVERYTHING.

Spoiled people have never known boundaries. Parents and friends cater to their every whim. These are the children who, with every tantrum, get exactly what they want. As adults, they have louder and more volatile tempers that implement the same behavior. “I want what I want when I want it.” Because they are used to getting what they want, they will torment anyone who doesn’t give into their demands. They border on mental illness because they can’t see reality from the delusional state of desires.

You can’t return to their childhood. You can, however, establish boundaries of what you will tolerate. The word “No” can anger these individuals. But, being consistent in your pursuit to help them recognize their behavior is important (and vital for their mental health). They might not stick around. If they do, know you have accomplished a beautiful task!

2. REINFORCING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR.

Spoiled people trampled on anyone who gets in their way. They take what they want. They have zero concept that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They will make their way into an office and step on anything that prevents them from moving up the ladder of success. They will also use people and relationships quickly and then dump them without a single ounce of regret.

In order to disarm their behavior, you must use positive forces. For every negative action, you will need to establish several positive ones. So if you have witnessed the selfish behavior of someone who has been nasty to another to get what they want, you may want to let them know that the behavior can (and will be) returned in the same manner. Nothing upsets the spoiled person more than believing they will get punished. They don’t know what it is like to set limitations.

3. PICKING FIGHTS.

A spoiled person will create drama to get attention. They will pick fights to deviate from what they want and then stab you from behind. It’s manipulation at its finest. They will devalue your opinion and turn around and utilize it for themselves. They truly don’t care how they get what they are after. They are determined to get it to all cost.

Pick your fights wisely. Not every argument needs to become a battle of wits to feed the ego. You stand your ground. Keep your boundaries. The spoiled person will soon forget what you were trying to accomplish. They are off on their next tantrum.

4. DESTROYING OUR IMAGE THROUGH MANIPULATION.

People who are spoiled are narcissistic. They will manipulate through abuse, degrading, and control. They will make you feel horrible for not participating in the things that they want. They feed off your weaknesses or insecurities to get you to do things for them. These people don’t care how they hurt you as long as they get what they are after.

A spoiled person doesn’t accept that they have any weaknesses. It’s not about pinpointing those insecurities to them, but about turning the tables so they can see that things hurt when you are vicious. They have their weaknesses. Stay humble and use humility as your armor when dealing with these master manipulators. Stand your ground. Show them forgiveness but also discipline. Do not let them abuse you with their anger.

5. REWARDING POOR ACTIONS.

Spoiled people brag about how they got that new job or the new girlfriend. They will create these stories with Oscar-winning talent. They want the attention even though it’s toxic. Rewarding poor actions and behavior encourages the self-centered and spoiled person to continue doing these things. It’s giving them permission to get what they want regardless of the consequences.

Create incentives for good behavior. Just like a parent does with a child, you must reward positive actions. Become a positive role model in this person’s life. You don’t need to brag about the things you do, but allow them to witness compassion, goodwill, and empathy through your examples. Let them know that the act of receiving is just as beautiful as giving.

6. LACK OF CONSIDERATION.

Spoiled people have no consideration for the feelings of others. They are aggressive in behavior. They will bulldoze over anything to get attention. Their actions are sneaky and premeditated. These folks plot and scheme to con anyone into doing anything. The famous Cuban poet Jose Marti said, “A selfish man is a thief.” He will steal your heart, your money and your livelihood if you let them.

We have been taught to satisfy our needs however we can. The spoiled person takes it on a completely different level. You do not have to satisfy their needs. You don’t have to participate in everything they want. Once again, boundaries are important. Show this person love. Most spoiled people are missing structure in their lives. They didn’t have set rules growing up. Everything was supplied to them. Now as adults, they don’t understand why the world has to be so structured.

Spoiled, selfish people are everywhere. You can deal with them in a healthy manner that won’t suck you into their drama. You don’t have to entertain them and give into everything. You can use your awareness and knowing to teach them little by little what it is to be a functional adult with healthy behaviors.

People Who Lack Grattitude Are Toxic

We have all had ungrateful people in our lives. Those folks that seem to think we were put on this earth to serve them or fix the messes they get themselves into. They expect people to pick up after them or help them with things but never seem to get to the “thank you very much for your help.” portion of the interaction. They also never seem to be happy or content with the way their life is or the people who are in it.

So identify their behaviors and avoid dealing with ungreatful people because this kind of people are toxic and will poison your life.

HERE ARE 6 BEHAVIORS OF PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL AND HOW TO AVOID THEM:

1.  PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL ARE ALWAYS IN NEED

People who aren’t thankful are always in need of some kind of assistance. Whether it is help with bills, watching the kids or giving them a ride. They always need something from you. They are in a perpetual state of emergency and it is usually one they create themselves either through poor judgment or on purpose in order to create the drama they feed on.
Do you have a recurring emergency in a relationship or with finances? Identify what the issue is and work to change it. Instead of asking for someone to help with a temporary solution work on a permanent one. Instead of asking for help with a bill ask your friends and family to help you find a better job.
The important thing is that when someone does take time to help then tell them “thank you.” People will rescue you from hellish situations and all that is required on your part are two words that won’t cost you a dime.

2.  PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU UNLESS THEY NEED SOMETHING

The thing is that unless they need something from you, then you never hear from them. They only turn to you for friendship when they are in a jam. You will never hear them say “Hey let me take you out to lunch” or “let me help you with that.” If everything is going fine then you don’t exist in their world anymore.
Don’t just call friends or family only when you need something. Reach out to people. Ask them if they need help with anything or just go out and get a coffee with them and talk. Relationships built on mutual assistance are strong and last a lifetime.

3.  PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL EXPECT YOU TO HELP THEM

They may feel entitled to your help either because you are family or they feel that you owe them something for being their friend. They aren’t grateful because they feel they have earned your help and you are just paying them back. They may have done a single nice thing for you only so that they could hold it over your head for as long as they can and squeeze every last ounce of guilt fueled work they could. Family, rather than friends, usually expect you to help them.
Don’t expect people to save you. You are a strong independent and resilient person who is more than capable of helping themselves get up after a tumble. It is great when people help or come to the rescue and be very thankful when they do because those people are rare indeed, but don’t sit in your tower and expect someone to save you. Save yourself.

4.  THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEM AND THEIR SCHEDULE

Oh and you have to drop everything you are doing right now to come and help them. If it was an unexpected emergency that would be one thing but the ungrateful person’s emergencies are usually do to poor planning, poor time management or irresponsibility on their part. They screwed up (again) and they expect you to come running to save them right this second.
If someone is willing to volunteer their time to help you with something then the least you can do is to work your schedule around theirs if you can or come up with a time when you both are free. Being grateful for their assistance means understanding that their time is just as precious to them as yours is to you.

5.  PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL OFTEN BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM

Despite all of your help ungrateful people will turn on you. They will talk behind your back. They will say that you never help them. That they do all of the work and you are the ungrateful sponge. Despite all you have done for them they will tell their friends or other family members what a horrible person you are in order to get more sympathy from people who can’t help them.
If someone helps you or does something nice for your with no expectation of recompense then sing their praises whenever you have a chance. Sometimes being recognized is reward enough.

6.  PEOPLE WHO AREN’T THANKFUL WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE ONE TIME YOU DIDN’T HELP THEM

Ungrateful people will never let you forget that one time you weren’t able to help them. Whether it was because of time constraints or lack of funds it doesn’t matter. They will hold that guilt over you until the end of time.
If someone can’t help you either because of a lack of resources, knowledge or time then be understanding. Tell them you are thankful that they were willing to help even if they weren’t able.
Everybody needs help now and then and no one should be ashamed to ask for, or receive, help. When you are able to return the favor at a later date then that shows thankfulness. If you have truly special people in your life who give selflessly and ask for no reward then you should let them know how very grateful you are to have them in your life.